Friday, June 4, 2010

Ten Easy Steps to Lose Weight

It all began four weeks ago when I joined a Fat Blast weight-loss contest. I was hyper-motivated in the first week.  We were encouraged to use SparkPeople to track our food and exercise.  SparkPeople had quite a learning curve, but I stuck with it and entered all my food and exercise online.

The real trick to losing weight appears to be this:  Bust your butt for 3 weeks, typing every morsel that enters your mouth and let SparkPeople count your calories. Exercise like crazy during the first 3 weeks.  The 1st week, lose a quick 4.5 pounds after feeling lots of hunger pains and eating tons of veggies.  The 2nd week, maintain that loss and feel slightly discouraged.   By the end of the 3rd week, gain 1 pound for no good reason and feel SUPER DUPER ULTRA discouraged.  Then the final week before the contest is over, give up on the healthy eating, and follow these 10 easy steps:

1) Instead of a healthy lunch, just get a Wendy's shake - I prefer the Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty made with chocolate ice cream.  At $2.49, it is a good value for lunch on-the-run!

2) Eat almost nothing but graham crackers and Nutella for an entire day.  Your heart might feel a little bit racy on this day.  It's okay - that faster heart rate must be burning more calories.

3) Another day, replace a healthy lunch with peanuts, a fancy cupcake, and convenience store hot chocolate.  Eat a healthy breakfast and dinner on this day.

4) Enjoy healthy cereal followed by "dessert" cereal for breakfast for a couple of days - this is a very satisfying breakfast.  You won't even need a mid-morning snack!

5) Don't forget that whole wheat toast topped with real butter makes a wonderful snack.  Who ever decided we should watch our carbs, anyway?  Bread is supposed to be good for you!

6) Cut back a little on exercise as well as water consumption - then you don't have to pee during the night, and you won't be so blasted tired and hungry all the time!

7) Forget about tracking all your food, counting calories, fiber, and all that for the last week- too much time in front of the computer.

8) Watch your healthy little "veggie snack packs" rot in the refrigerator.  Admit that you really were getting sick of carrots, jicama, grape tomatoes, and snap peas.

9) Donate blood during the week.  Be sure to eat the cookies AND juice that they offer after donation.  Just one of each, as you don't want to look like a pig walking out of there.  (Don't you think your body burns more calories trying to replenish your missing pint of blood?)

10) On the day of the final weigh-in, eat a normal healthy bowl of cereal, go on a nice mountain bike ride, don't overdo the water consumption, skip lunch, and wear your lightest clothing.

Voila - a few more pounds magically gone!  Total loss for contest = 7 lbs.  Probably not a winning number, but I'll take it!

I wonder what a maintenance plan will be like with this new diet...

1 comment:

  1. you're hilarious! and yes, this is the typical journey to weight loss :) it's hard work, and we have those weeks when we throw it all to hell! but over the long haul, those positive small changes add up! 7 lbs is awesome!! i think you ARE in the running :)